I didn’t want to have to type this, but I feel like I have to.

So, Crane added himself to MySpace as a band, cleverly named “Crane.” Nice work, Jamie.  At least you won’t have to sell out and call what you play “music.”

Anyway…

I go to add “Crane” (the band, not the dildo) as a friend, and after I send the request, this popped up…

“A friend request has been sent to this user. If your request is accepted, you will be friends on MySpace.”

Really?

Our country has gotten so fucking sad, so fucking protect-the-kids-from-themselves sue happy, that MySpace, a FREE website who is already held accountable for WAY more shit than they should be, that they have to add “…on MySpace” at the end of that.

I can (literally) see it now.  Some sad, lonely junior high unpopular kid crying to his parents and them suing MySpace because their son/daughter (I’m seeing a daughter…) added someone as a friend on MySpace and then when they saw them in real life, they weren’t actually friends.  Gasp!  [Dutch] You gotta be shittin’ me! [/Dutch]

It all started (well, not started, but it was the first publicized one I remember) with the McDonald’s “this coffee is hot?” lawsuit.  I’ve read about a burglar who fell through a kitchen skylight, cut himself on a knife that was left out on the counter, and then successfully sued the owner of the house for leaving their knives out on the counter.  No shit.

It seems to me that the world is getting more and more fucked up every day.  People are getting dumber and dumber, and, for a while I thought it was just dysgenics, but I think that this problem may be even deeper-seeded.  I think it might have just become our collective DNA.  Nobody tries to achieve anything anymore because, if you don’t, someone will just give it to you anyway.

Last-place teams are getting participation ribbons, and all of the trophies are the same size.  I remember growing up and the only thing that you had to look forward to when you lost was getting ragged on at school Monday morning.  Then, when you won, you returned the favor.  Now, that’s “bullying.”  (Meanwhile, ACTUAL bullying goes unchecked by the administration because nobody wants to be the one to actually risk a physical confrontation or anger the wrong parents…)

Getting into fights, and skinning your knee, and peeing on electric fences, and riding bikes all day long – until just slightly after dark and then lying to your parents and saying that you’ve been outside for a while, and hearing that so-and-so’s older brother had porn, and staying over at a friend’s house, and all night Dungeons and Dragons sessions, and all night binge drinking and rocking out sessions, and parties at Beall’s house, (which often included many of the above…) were parts of growing up that kids don’t get now, because, in order…

Bullying?  A suspension from school, and possible criminal or civil charges for getting into fights.  Skinning your knee?  Well, where it did happen?  Was it on public property?  Shit, let’s sue ‘em.  Peeing on electric fences?  Were they marked?  Well, shit, let’s sue ‘em.  Riding bikes all day long?  That sounds like negligence on the part of the parents.  Take the kids.  Porn?  Well, who provided it for the minors?  Arrest ‘em…  Contributing to the Delinquency.  Staying over at a friend’s house?  Were there adults present?  Did they touch you?  Dungeons and Dragons?  Like, with paper?  My kids just play on the computer.  No, no, I have one of those firewalls things.  I don’t know anything about it, but neither do my kids.  (Riiiiight.  If there’s is one thing at which all kids possess Einsteinian-level intellect, it’s finding a way to either chat, look at porn, or both…  a computer is the best place for that, and most kids know at least twice as much as their parents…) Binge Drinking?  Where did they get the alcohol?  We will sue the person who bought/provided it and trapped the kids at their house instead of letting them drive home.  Rocking out?  Sounds like a noise complaint to me.  (Sorry, Dave…)

Life was about THAT shit, and learning to fuck up when you’re young.  It’s a lot easier to come back from then.

Bullying.  Cliques.  Queen Bees.

Teen Socialization.  You say “tomato,” I say “grow up o.”

When I was young, when kids picked on you, you made friends that didn’t give a shit; or at least didn’t make you feel like shit when they picked on you.  It taught you, early in life, what a true friend is.

…a lesson that I sure as FUCK don’t need from the site that made Tila Tequila a “star.”

CDM